A Biblical Perspective from Alan Lee

I have never taught this perspective before on marriage, but I’m glad the opportunity has made itself obvious and in need of addressing. Not only for my sake but for the countless individuals who live their lives within the church, having experienced divorce, the decision to remarry, or who are remarried already.

From the beginning God initiated what he said, one man and one woman forever, until death do you part (Gen. 2)! When one goes into a marriage situation they should understand that this commitment in covenant is forever.

The world has set the tone for the church in marrying and divorcing, but for us in Messiah it was never designed that way.

The first marriage was in the Garden between Adam and Eve. Within this relationship the man was commanded to leave mother and father and cleave to his wife for ever. It is hear where the problems begin. If a man doesn’t become a ‘man’s man’ and cleave to his wife, all types of trouble can ensue and lead to a problem that Yehovah never intended…divorce.

This is a huge issue within the church today. The church, instead of relying upon the scriptures for guidance in relationship has turned to the world’s model and example and now the divorce rate in the church is just as high, if not higher then that of those outside of the church.

Within the New Testament we find 4 passages where Yeshua (Jesus) dealt with the topic of divorce (Matthew chapters 5, 19, Mark 10 and Luke 16). Paul addresses the topic in Romans 7 (quoting from Deut. 23:1-4 and Jer. 3:1-4) as well as 1 Cor. 7

These passages can be summarized by stating that if at any time an individual divorces and remarries, they would be guilty of committing adultery. Yeshua said in the sermon on the mount, ‘if a person looks at another person to lust after them in their heart, they are guilty of committing adultery.

In Galatians 5:19-21, Paul stated that anyone who practices adultery will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. John in the Revelation of Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus the Christ) reemphasized the same statement and added that he would have his place in the lake of fire.

I would be very surprised if any of you reading this study right now are innocent of this charge. Some of you may look at someone other than your spouse with lust on a regular basis, not thinking much of it. Others of you might even be having an affair with someone outside of your marriage at this point, or at one point have been guilty of such.

To be quite honest, the church is filled with adultery and it’s a topic that we should get a hold of rapidly.

If Yeshua’s statements in Matthew and Mark are to be taken at face value with no other scripture or context being addressed then there are many of us that aren’t going to enter into His coming kingdom; and that would be difficult to comprehend since in Messiah we are renewed creations (2 Cor. 5:17).

Scripture is very clear that Yehovah’s plan has been for one man and one woman. For those of us that have already deveated from this truth to live by, a question should be asked, “can the sin of adultery be forgiven?”

For those who have been divorced and remarried:
1. should they stop their marriage and get a divorce and go back to their first spouse? That would violate Deut. 24:1-4; and still the truth doesn’t change: God does hate divorce (Mal. 2:16); so that’s not a solution.
2. should they stop having sex until their former spouse dies? That would go against 1 Cor. 7

I’ve seen and experienced how churches treat divorced people. It’s painful and truly unscriptural. There are many churches, pastors in particular, that will not entertain performing the ceremony for divorced individuals.
Some churches will not support the remarriage of a divorced person.

There are many scenarios that can be conjured up to defend any position, but for discussion on this topic. Let’s say a young couple get married. neither have been married. they have wonderful dreams. Once they have married, one of the individuals realizes that the partner is completely different then what they anticipated.

I will categorically state, without going into detail in this study, that the man is 100% responsible for the success of the marriage. He is the depositer and the woman is the recepticle and the mirror of what’s going on inside of the man. If the man doesn’t lead out spiritually, emotionally, physically or financially the marriage is doomed.

In cases like this the woman finds her bubble is busted. One day he says I’m fed up with you, files for divorce, you plead not to, but he presses on and the divorce becomes final…in a scenario like this can she not have another mate? Is that what Yeshua is trying to tell us in His statements?

Solid foundation:
Scripture affirms that God is against divorce (Mal. 2:16). In the TaNaKh (Moses, the writings and the Prophets),they must have been having the problems that we have today if God mentioned it through Malachi so strongly. Our mindset to marriage should be the same as Yehovah’s…do everything you can not to divorce.

It is a fact and we should be fully aware that Yehovah is not against marriage, but he is against divorce.

The Pharisees asked the question ‘can a man divorce for any cause’ (matt. 19:3-6)? Yeshua responds that from the beginning it has not been this way. Yehovah never intended it this way. If we knew what Love was (1 John 4:8), prior to marriage, we’d never divorce…if both parties really knew.

Historically: There were two different schools of Rabbis in Yeshua’s day: the school of Hillel and the school of Shemai. One said, ‘you can only divorce your wife based on extreme cases of adultery.’ However, even if your spouse committed adultery does not mean that you are commanded to divorce. You could forgive them. The second, said you could divorce for any cause.

In America, we not only have changed the scriptural truths of marriage, but now we even have same sex marriages. I can’t imagine it. a man marrying a man, or a woman marrying a woman. Scripture tells us that it would happen, but it’s still mind boggling to consider.

Do you realize that in times past, if your skin color was black, according to the supreme court you weren’t even considered a human being? Isn’t it amazing how we’ve been blinded from the truth of scripture in so many areas.

Yeshua’s appeal to the early pages of Genesis is that Yehovah made marriage to be permanent. Once it’s established it is to supersede the relationship with parents. They were meant to become one flesh. God never intended man to divorce for any cause! We should never go there that ‘it is legal to divorce.’

When we marry it should be forever.

50-60% of the world is divorcing. The church stats are the same way. According to Yeshua’s statement, those of these who remarry while their mate is still alive are committing adultery, none of these people can enter the kingdom of heaven.

Divorce always comes as a result of sin. When we start thinking about divorce, our conscience starts condemning us. We can suppress it, but it will always condemn us. A divorce is always the responsibility of a man. If a man will do as he is supposed to do (Ish: hebrew for man working in the midst of God), there is no woman (Isha: Hebrew for woman, the one who reflects what’s inside the man) on the face of the world that would divorce that man. The man is the worker, the provider (spiritually, emotionally and physically). He is the giver and she is the receiver. The man is to love his family, guide and direct the family. If the house comes unraveled, it’s his fault…not hers!

Part of the problem that we face in starting marriage off correctly is we don’t follow Yehovah’s instructions to begin with on how we are to occupy our time. If we followed scripture, the first year of marriage, the man has only one responsibility…to know his wife and please his wife (Deut. 24:5; 1 Cor. 7:33,34). He is not to work, but to stay at home and get to know her. How’s this done? Could it happen today? Could it have happened even in Yeshua’s day?

A second issue within marriage is actually understanding what love is…I wish I did fully. However, one thing that I am coming to understand is that love is a matter of the will, not the emotion. Yet, once the decision is made it produces wonderful emotions. An emotional love without the commitment is little more than lust and will fade quickly.

Sometimes, despite the best preparation a person knows how to do, the marriage just didn’t work. What happens when a person just leaves a spouse at no fault of theirs? Are they doomed to singleness the rest of their life? It’s a tough burning hypothetical question, since we all know it ‘takes two to tango.’

Divorce, or being put away, is mentioned for the very first time in the third book of scripture known as Vayikra or Leviticus (21:7). Within the context, this passage is talking specifically to priests and high priests. They cannot take a woman in harlotry. The high priest can only marry a virgin and no one else.

What’s interesting in this whole matter of divorce is that no where else in scripture is there a prohibition given to the general populace of men. Now before you stone me and think I’m going remarriage happy, please understand what I have emphasized throughout this entire study…Yehovah hates divorce and His ultimate intention is that there would be one man for every woman.

Let’s go back to Leviticus 21:7. We should note that this verse implies that there were woman that had been divorced before. Her limitations on remarriage are within the confines of being remarried to a priest. Ironically, I have not found any prohibition to a woman or man that has been divorced to marry another person.

There is actually a holiness standard applied to the priest and the High Priest that they are to live a life different than the rest. The High Priest is a picture of Yeshua.

Can a widow marry? Yes she can. She is only prohibited to marry a priest. Paul actually encourages widows to marry again. In 1 Tim. 5:13 Women who have been widowed should remarry again.

Lev. 21:1 Yehovah said to Moses, speak to the Priests that none be defiled. Leviticus 21: 6,7 goes on to say that the priests are to be holy and not profane the Lord. They can’t take a wife that is a whore, or a woman put away.

If this Torah was applied to all women, there would be no second offenders, since they would be burned (21:9).

I’m sure when we read these verses that a loving God is not the first thing that comes to a person’s mind. But, in actuality Yehovah’s mercy is demonstrated here.

Clearly Yehovah is opposed to fornication and divorce. Whatever happened in times past, He doesn’t want us to commit that sin anymore.

How many chances did Yehovah give to women?

Deut. 24:1-4 States the Torah of marriage. The only stipulation here was that a woman divorced and remarried couldn’t remarry her first husband. She could remarry another or another or another. The one prohibition is that a twice divorced woman cannot remarry her first husband.

Though Yehovah hates divorce, we see that He himself actually divorced His wife Israel (Jer. 3:8). Ironically, even Yehovah will remarry without breaking the Torah through the death of Yeshua, God in the flesh (Rom. 7:1-4).

Sometimes, as we all know, the scriptures can be difficult to understand. This topic is no different. If God was against a second marriage ultimately, he should have just said ‘a person divorced can’t remarry’.

Other than a priest and remarrying your first husband after being divorced twice, there are no other instructions to remarriage that I know of in scripture.

If a woman remarried, according to most peoples’ understanding of scripture, she would be an adulterer and when she remarried she would be guilty of committing adultery and she should have been stoned. This understanding would alleviate the problem with marriages and remarriages permanently.

Once again, let me emphasize that just because an individual commits an offense worthy of divorce, that does not mean one has to divorce. Mary, the mother of Yeshua, was pregnant outside of marriage. Joseph was going to put her away privily. He was going to divorce her for legitimate reasons. Yet, he followed the instructions of Yehovah’s messenger and did not put her away. Aren’t you glad!?

In our modern world of theology, Paul’s words have been elevated above Yeshua’s, the Prophets and Moses. This is an error, of which we have all been guilty. We will not do that here, but Paul does have great insight, which validates what Yeshua, Moses and the Prophets have written.

Paul gives a lengthy discourse on marriage in 1 Cor. 7. Remarriage is not a sin! 1 Cor. 7 (entire chapter) It’s good for a man not to touch (sexual intimacy) with a woman (7:1). But to avoid fornication, each man should have his own wife and every woman should have their own husband (7:2). Very few people can go through life without a sexual desire for intimacy. The husband and wife are to offer their bodies to one another when ever they desire it (outside of the menstrual cycle, Nidah, 7:3-5). When love is understood or being grown in, men and/or women would never go looking if each of them were fulfilling the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of one another.

Sexual intimacy is very important in the marriage relationship. Paul emphasizes that a married couple should not defraud one another, except for fasting and prayer (i.e. Nidah). Then when you come together, be intimate, that way Satan can’t tempt you.

If you can be single, like Paul, that’s wonderful (7:7). But if you can’t contain yourself, it’s better to marry then to burn in your passions (7:9).

Which would be the better way, not to marry and burn with lust or find a good woman and marry her? Even the priest and high priest have this option! The difference is, they are given a standard of being set apart (holiness) that elevates them above the common person.

To the married he commands that a wife shouldn’t depart, but if she departs let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband (7:11,12).

What if one leaves and they remarry?

If a person dwells with an unbeliever, is it okay to live in that situation. Yes, if you can get along. The unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believer. If life isn’t good and there is no peace, can they leave? Yes (7:15). For the sake of peace. Yes.

Many of us may be familiar with marriage relationships that are abusive. Here Paul is stating that it is okay to get out of the relationship when these type of situations arise. This is definitely not the ‘any cause’ that the Pharisees were temptingly asking.

As we would expect Paul does not give any prohibitions to virgins (7:25). He does go onto say, ‘If you are married seek not to be loosed (set free). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife, seek not a wife, but and if/you marry you have not sinned (v. 28). If you marry, you will face many troubles in this life and Paul’s instructions are to spare us from this.

Do Yeshua, Moses and Paul agree that divorce is as a result of the sin of one or both? Yes. All are consistently against divorce.

How do we reconcile Moses, Paul (who agree) with Yeshua (who apparently disagrees)?

In Matthew 19, Yeshua is addressing the Pharisees. a group of religious hypocritical teachers, who very well could have been divorced themselves. The Pharisees question reveals the basis of their intention by tempting Yeshua (19:3). Yehovah never intended that there be any divorce, let alone for any cause. Historically, we know that the religious leaders of Israel were divorcing for any cause. One would see a woman that he thought was more attractive and he would put away his wife so he could marry another. The major issue that Yeshua had with them, and historically this is validated, the Pharisees would put a woman away, but would not give to her a writing of divorce, which would cause her to commit adultery.

The Pharisees already knew his stand. They were ready for Yeshua’s response, that’s why they said, ‘why did Moses say…’We know the only thing Moses said about marriage was prohibiting remarrying the first husband after divorce from or death of a second, or subsequent husband. Moses never commended divorce, but it was permitted because of their hardness of heart. He knew there would be immorality. An allowance is now what he intended.

Yeshua laid down the Torah, immorality is the only valid reason for divorcing one’s wife. Immorality, however, is more than sexual intimacy. It would include any type of behavior that would treat the woman different than what marriage was intended to be from the beginning…unity!

Yeshua was speaking to the Pharisees who were divorcing and quickly remarrying. Anyone who divorces his wife, for the sake of marrying another in this way is truly guilty of adultery. This is what Yeshua was talking about. They were divorcing their wives for the sake of marrying another. Yeshua’s response to the Pharisees, as was his every response to them, exposed their hypocrisy.

When the disciples heard the response to the Pharisees. he said, if a man’s relationship is going to be like this then it is better not to marry (19:10).

Not everyone can receive this, Yeshua replied (19:11). He who can accept this let him accept. Sexual drive and ones ability is the determining factor on whether to marry. Eunich’s have no sexual drive. Not all men can accept this statement of becoming a eunich (19:12).

Yeshua in his Sermon on the Mount gives a direct response to what the scribes and pharisees were teaching. The people were amazed that Yeshua was teaching contrary to the scribes (7:27,28). The religious leaders of the day were acting as shepherds, but Yeshua told them clearly that they were the blind leading the blind. They spoke as though they were adhering to the words of Moses, but they were not. Yeshua condemned their behaviors and doctrine frequently and leveled them with stinging remarks of their hypocrisy frequently. The majority hold to the view that the Pharisees taught Moses, the Torah, but Yeshua emphatically declared that they didn’t. For the things that they were teaching was making disciples that were two-fold the children of hell as themselves (Matt. 15:1-8; ch. 23).

Marriage is a hot bed of controversy in the church. It’s always been interesting to me how dogmatic we become when the issue of marriage comes up, but when dealing with other issues that Yeshua places heavy emphasis on, we tend to skirt those truths! (i.e. cutting off your hand, or plucking out ones eye).

We love the literal interpretation of a divorced person can’t remarry, without understanding biblical context, but will avoid other topics that are much clearer for the sake of our own theology!

If the truth would be known and we were to take to heart what Yeshua said about lust there would have been no divorce from the beginning.

It’s been God’s plan to be married and stay married to one person. God gave us marriage and has allowed remarriage. In 1 Corinthians the scripture says that a divorced person has not sinned.

I hope that these thoughts have stirred inside of you. If they bear witness, I pray that you will be compassionate to those who’ve experienced divorce and/or have remarried. I honestly believe that within the Torah, there is tremendous freedom. Freedom to live life fulfilled in marriage. Ideally, within your first and only marriage. Alternatively, within a second marriage that has learned valuable lessons from the mistakes in the first.

Shalom,
Alan